Another Day in Paradise

KEY WEST

Sunday, Jan. 24, 2010 8:35 am Key West time – (7:36 home time)

Its Sunday morning. Kate and I are sitting on the light brown sandy beach in Key West. Well actually Im sitting on the beach and Kate's asleep in the back seat of our (maybe by now...considered stolen) 01 Ford Expedition.

I crashed/sacked out in the front seat of the truck around 9p.m. Saturday night, somewhere just outside of Key Largo, leaving Kate to drive the slow & long few miles from key to key, into Key West. When I woke early  Sunday morning, Kate & I were sitting outside of a 24 hour McDonald's just inside the island of Key West, where she finally pulled over, crawled into the back seat, and went to sleep herself, exhausted.

I woke to the sound of several roosters (yes...I said roosters!) crowing the morning in at around 5:30 a.m. I was a bit disorientated at first trying to figure out where we were at with out waking and asking Kate, personally. With the sound of a Rooster sounding off every few minutes, I was completely at a loss as to where we were at. The noise from the stupid bird set my nerves on end. As I looked around I realized there were several Roosters prancing about. It was a non-stop cocka-doodle-do repatuare from one bird or another. They are everywhere . This is not exactly what I expected from a tropical like island. The chickens are considered a rarity here and to be respected. I was told by the young man at the McDonald's drive thru. Which I thought was rather odd since we weren't apart from the Main land , per say. WEIRD but ok, you do as the Romans do when in Rome, right? I personally wanted to “cook” the damned birds, not out of hunger at this moment in time  but out of frustration. Well, if it wasn't for the nice young island man that took my order for coffee , one of those chickens might have ended up as dinner...well, enough of that.

I decided to drive on into the island and explore . The island town is beautiful. The shops have a weathered look to them from the salt air. Lots of shops, restaurants hotels, museums. Ernest Hemingway has a home (museum) here, which I did not realize. Ernest Hemingway is one of my favorite authors. So it will have to be a must to drive by when Kate wakes up to see his place. As I drove about the island town , I discovered that the island has very little public beach availability, as most of the beaches are private and controlled strictly by hotels or commercial profits. Which is understandable, due to the high end expectations of this island and its reliability upon the tourist to maintain its life status/support.

I did, however, find one beach on the Atlantic side. Its called “Clarence S. Higg's Memorial Beach”. The Parking for this beach was in a line against the beach area itself which was just feet from the waterline. The very shallow beach area made it a delight to sit and enjoy. I pulled in and parked to finish watching the sun rise, drink my coffee and allow Kate to sleep a little more. The breeze off of the ocean was nice at a 75 degree temperature at 6:30 in the morning. I cant imagine what its going to be like by noon. Who can be depressed with such a beautiful blue sky, aqua green ocean, light tanned beach sand, and the smell of fresh coffee...I smell fresh coffee...hmmm, must be the cup of joe I just bought from McDonald's.....nope I smell breakfast too! .Eggs? NO! its beacon! MMMM!

Two spaces from where I parked was an old battered but still very useful van was also parked. Useful in a since that the van was loaded down with living materials such as, items of clothing, bags, food sacks of groceries and dishes, as if someone was/is living /camping out of the van . Useful as it the van also still ran, even though you would think by looking at it...it wouldn't. The van strongly resembled my own trucks appearance as in having a lived in look to it. An older gentle man was already sitting at a public picnic table that was located on the beach area a few feet behind where the parked van was backed up in a parking spot. The older gentleman was/is drinking a cup of coffee, looking out over the sea, also enjoying the morning breeze and sun rise. We were the first to arrive at the beach parking area. Or at least I thought we were until I looked around to see others sleeping on benches, under bushes, and on the sand. A couple more camper looking type vans pulled in and park between me and the battered van within minutes of each others arrival. Out of each van climbed a older gentleman, that was unshaven, adorned with wrinkled clothes, and sandal footed. Each one joined the other older gentleman at the table for conversation and coffee. They lined up on one side of the table over looking the ocean watching the sun rise. I cant make out the conversation between the men but I can hear the rise and fall of their voices and laughter. Then all of a sudden the voices wasn't there, but the vans were. Needing to take care of the call of nature myself, I decided to get out and walk the beach a little , looking for the public bathroom, if any were available, feeling completely non-threatened by my environment believe it or not. I got out of my truck, locked the doors with Kate inside. I left her the actual set of truck keys. I took the spare set to the door. I don't like the idea of leaving her stranded or not knowing where Ive gone. If I feel shes to sleepy to comprehend what I'm saying then I leave a note in the ash tray. She knows where to find it, due to our pre-discussed conversation regarding such situations.We often take turns driving. So we are not always awake at the same time.  As I started down the beach on the sidewalk, I noticed a large cluster of folks gathered around a particular public picnic table, seemly waiting in line. As I approached I realized that the union of people was receiving food from hot kettles. The three men that had been sitting at the picnic table next to where I parked was in line. The make shift food line was serving grits, scrambled eggs, BEACON, biscuits, coffee and water. There were about 50 people, men, women & a couple of dogs.....no children – but then no one in their right mind would expose their children to the public as being homeless...right?...due to the fact that the community would automatically separate and take the children, right? So, I thought to myself, where are the children? There are children! There is always children ! As the assumed homeless people of the beach were standing in line or had already received a portion of food I stood, watched and wondered. .

The food smelled so good. I was hungry too. I would not eat without Kate, nor could I bring my pride to stand in that line, just yet. I have some crackers and the morning dollar cup of coffee , that was getting cold back in the truck. Ill find Kate a McDonald's dollar menu when she wakes up. We are not completely broke but I'm feeling it close at hand.

I worry about Bubba. We left him in Arkansas per his request. I didn't and still don't like the idea of leaving him to fend for himself. I send him money as I make it. Which has been slim to none for the most part. But his and my baby girls needs come before anything else. I know his hardship is much like mine and Kate's. Hes wondering from friend/family catching a place to sleep and shower when & where he can. He says he wont/cant leave Arkansas due to his Army obligations. Which is understandable.  At least if he is there (Arkansas) he can make it to Drill, where if he was with Kate & I, I cant guarantee where we will be from day to day or if I would be able to get him home in time for Drill. He cant go AWOL! His Army career is so very important to him. He has always wanted to be a soldier. I cant take that from him. My situation is bad enough without condemning him as well. Hes a tough kid. Hes been thru so much already in his young life. I love and admire him so very much.

Kate is along for the ride. Its an adventure to her. We go on adventures, so to speak all the time. We like to go to Eureka, Kansas City, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, places close to home but still an adventure. The kids don't know about the legal stuff brewing at home regarding myself. They know I went to Court. They know Erwin, my attorney didn't show up, if he did it was after I left, leaving me to sweat out the morning hearings without representation. They know I was on the phone with him off and on. They know that the court hearing is over. Something my children have become very accustomed to unfortunately. So to question me or the out come of the hearing isnt important to them as long as Im not in jail.Which is often the result of any hearing in Judge Duncans court. She is well known for her abuse of power.

I forgot about the bathroom and walked back to my truck with the full reality of where I'm at, not necessarily physically but in my life's day to day journey. As I stand in front of my truck looking out at one of the most lucrative, exotic, richly proclaimed, dreamed about places in the United States ...I can see the beautiful cruise ships - docked just off shore, gorgeous hotels with custom designed pools - empty of guests, fenced private beaches, keeping only those who can afford it in and those who cant or choose not to....out, BMW convertible sports cars, cell phone using business men, bicyclist, tourist on scooters...all costing money, and showing that it could be or once upon a time was bountiful. The economy has crashed around every ones feet. Kate and I have seen so much poverty, homelessness, pandering, begging, needing...its frighting! I actually thought I was alone in this plight. So Kate and I set out to find the better parts of the United States, where money flowed. Even here in this bountiful place, there are people standing in soup lines to eat. Homeless people sleeping on the sandy beach. At first sight, the common person would not think twice about these peoples situation or mine as far as that goes. There's a song that Phil Collins sings , it is called “Another day in Paradise”...WOW! Talk about bitter - sweet.

So, at this moment, I decided to write this Journal for my son & my baby girl, so they would know and understand why I left so abruptly. The turn of events that has caused this devastation in our lives ...the loss of my business, loss of property thru a divorce, bad economy,  loss of custody of my youngest son and daughter, high child support payments that cant be made, a lousy attorney who didn't/hasn't/wont file the proper paper work for each of the court cases which fell, back to back, by the attorney not taking the situation seriously... within weeks of each other and/or doesn't show up for my scheduled hearings until the very last minute or not at all, a judge that doesn't “hear” the case but instead “judges” the case before the hearing using her biased small town “associations,” as a base for her decisions … I am now facing criminal prosecution for non-payment of child support which could have been avoided, along with the title of being labeled DEAD BEAT... homeless, lost, desperate, ostracized from the love of  my children.... just to name a few.

Back home, I filed bankruptcy, in hopes to capture some of the bills and stall the child support hearing momentarily, hopefully buying me time long enough for me to regain employment, a home, and a stable life again, only to have the main holidays, a severe winter/bad weather, staffing illness at the bankruptcy attorneys office to takes its tole on the short amount of time I desperately needed to possibly head off this outrageous infliction. All of this delayed the process and a prompt filling. forcing the bankruptcy into a non-importance state, as the damage has been done due to the lengthy stall. The Child support hearing has came and gone & so have I! The bankruptcy should have/ would have captured the arrears' of my child support and put the payments on a more feasible payment plan that I could work with. I could actually regain my foot hold and re-establish my home life and stability. Time and action on the attorneys part wasn't in my favor. I'm on my own. The sad part is, is I have very few outstanding debts. If I could have caught the arrears's of my child support in the bankruptcy and slowed down the prosecution process until I regain myself and possible (hopefully) paid a good percentage of it off, but that did not happen for one reason or another.....then it too is rendered useless. Im sick. Not physically but emotionally. Everything Ive tried to do this last year has crumbled between my fingers as I trying desperately to hold on. I just dont know what to do. I've ran away. Not because Im scared, but because I feel I have no options left. I need time and distance to figure this mess out. I absolutely can not do that in Benton County. There is just to much detrimental judgment. I cant survive there.

As I contemplated the situation at that moment in time standing outside of the Court room awaiting the arrival of my no-show attorney and my condemnation hearing..I panicked. Not knowing what I should do, but knowing what is going to happen within the next few minutes of this next hearing, I made a very irrational choice which is not at all like myself. Im a stand up and fight kind of person. I believe in fighting for what you believe in regardless of the consequences. I have been fighting a very unjust Judge for quite sometime. Not knowing why fate has chosen me. All Ive every wanted was to raise my children in the small town Ive love all my life. Quietly and simply. I want to go to their ball games, PTA, plays etc. All Ive ever want was to be a mother to my children. Im a good mother. I maybe a lot of other things right or wrong but IM A GOOD MOTHER! I dare anyone to prove that different, contra to inflected opinions of a Judge that has had a quarrel with me since we were kids. I want to see my children become wonderful people and enjoy the results of my labor as they enjoy their lives into adulthood. Stable, comfortable, and as normal as possible. Sheltered from harms way. But Judge Duncan thrives on destruction, not just with my family but any one who enters her sanction and isnt part of her "who ya know" spectrum of personal advancement. Shes a disgrace and a humiliation to our small town. Punishment will be inflicted upon your  regardless of the rights or wrongs of your situation.  Fate has brought light into the why's of my predicament... as I walked out of my court hearing moments before my name was called. I decided to leave. I had been living out of my truck for a couple of months already. Hungry, broke, cold and going nowhere fast. Unemployment is on the rise everywhere. When it effects our home town main life support (Wal-Mart) we are in big trouble. Wal-mart was/is laying off right and left. Many places have job freezes in effect not just here in Arkansas but across the nation.   I decided that ...I can run the gas out of my truck , trying to keep warm as I am homeless, in the bitter cold of this winter and try to figure these things out, all the while waiting to go to jail for a hopeless situation that wont fix itself because the (legal) people involved just don't give a shit, the economy falling at an unbelievable rate .....or I can take charge, run the gas out of my truck … running from prosecution in hopes to buy myself some time to try to find the niche that it will take to reclaim my life. I will have to go to jail eventually. But wouldn't it be nice if I go to jail with my children back in their home, safe, comfortable, taken care of and  the bills paid...to stop at least the criminal prosecution of the non-payment of child support. I wont be able to stop the civil as failure to appear is failure to appear. NO judge likes to have their time wasted and walking out is considered rude and an insult to a judge, any judge, especially a full of shit judge like Judge Duncan who is only using her judgeship for selfish gains and egotistical glorification.. That means jail time regardless. Walking out of a Court hearing , in which my attorney didn't show up for, if he did it was at the very last minute, I wasn't there to see it, and that  is the ultimate insult ever to any Judge.Not my intent I can assure you.  I actually, waited until the Court reporter called my name. I asked to step outside to call my attorney one last time. I call my attorney to learn that he was (still)in transit, but that is what I had been told all day. The prosecutor had managed to push my time down to the very last person on the docket. Not to any surprise exactly, as that had been procedure in the past several hearings. My case would be set for last. I would set outside the courtroom door all day to sweat it out and run my attorneys fees up and off the chart. My attorney knew this. He was scheduled for a hearing in Little Rock, 250 miles away on the same morning as my hearing.  My attorney was in transit with out a doubt! The question was, will he get to my hearing in time. I would not have been to concerned, if a conversation hadn't taken place a few days earlier when I was in Mr Davis' (my attorney) office .. as I was leaving he had another couple sitting on his couch waiting to be seen, Mr Davis commented about my 01 Ford Expedition., that he would love to have a truck like that. I agreed that it was a nice family truck. Mr. Davis turned to the couple in waiting and said... I quote “Maybe she will get into enough trouble she will just sign the title of that truck over to me for legal fees.” I was shocked! The couple shot me a look of surprise and astonishment, which compelled me to explain . I directed my response back to Mr. Davis, as I said “Well Erwin! This is just a child support hearing. This should be fairly simple, right? Or are you telling me something I dont know yet and need to be aware of?” Mr. Davis laughed and motioned for the couple to get up and join him in his office as he waved good-bye to me.  I stood completely dumbfounded without a response for clarification from him.. I walked out of his office with a new set of concerns, wondering what he meant by that. I still owed money on my truck to Car-Mart. I couldnt sign over my truck. And why should I? Whats is going on? Why would he say such a thing? All of this is running thru my head as Im now standing and pacing outside the courtroom door as the prosecutor approaches me frustrated that he too is tired of waiting on my attorney.  I was next and still NO attorney! The court was insisting on proceeding. Sick to my stomach to have a hearing with no representation in a courtroom in front of a very biased lazy Judge who doesn't listen to anyone except her own self talk, facing possible criminal charges. to boot and nothing to offer as a resolve to the horrible situation Im in. Its a known joke about the town and a fact that Judge Xollie Duncan is a crappy one sided “who ya know – favoritism” Judge especially when it comes to me and/or my cases.  Its always brutal. Its often joked about between the bailiffs as to who gets to take me to jail today! The jailers at the County jail lay bets as to how long I will get to stay at their fine accommodations. Judge Duncan has no clue to the mockery she has made of herself and the court,  thinking it is humiliating me. Well, shes right, it does humiliate me, but not in an effect like she is wanting. I maybe the butt of a joke, per say, but so is she. She, Judge Duncan is a person of authority, one to be respected for her judgment and fair play has stooped to childish endeavors by making me a public spectacle and parading me thru town during rush hour traffic by having the transport officer park several block from the court house so that I'm on public display in my chains, striped uniform , no make up on or my hair combed. Which is a Benton County Jail trait – no creature comforts for hygiene outside of toothpaste and a bar of soap. So,I left. I left the Court House. I left Benton County. I have two options.....I figured, I cant see or help my children if I'm sitting in jail waiting to go to prison. And that is exactly where I was headed. And my attorney soaking up all of my assets. The conversation in my attorneys office regarding my truck and me being in more trouble rings very clear, and his non-/delayed appearance for my hearing makes a lot of since, now. So, “IF” I'm going to forfeit seeing my children, then I'm going to at least give myself a fighting chance to pull out of my situation. I walked out to my Ford Expedition truck, opened the truck door and sit down, paused a moment to rethink what I was fixing to do...started the engine of my truck and left. My hands & knees shaking violently. I had to pull over twice within a two block area to throw up. I left anyway knowing full well what the consequences of this action held for me..eventually. Right or wrong, I feel I have been left with no choice....

I write this journal to my youngest son and daughters. As, I drive away, and leave behind my 19 year old son to the mercy of his friends. As he chose to stay behind due to his loyal commitment he has made to our government as a civilian soldier not to leave the state that he is committed to. And my baby girl who is 14 years old, whom Ive lost custody of, to man (Donny G. Hight) who is not her father, but under the same Judges biased “association “.of childhood friends hips and school chums this man is allowed to continue the fraud he (Donny Hight) has committed upon the court regarding paternity Even when paternity has been proven not to be his. This man (Donny Hight)is a baby thief supported by a long time childhood friend/classmate Judge Xollie Duncan. (Xollie Buffer, as known in the Gravette school system) Ostracizing, humiliating, discrediting me in the public's eye as a cover up to keep her bad rulings and conspiracies disclosed . After all who are you going to believe. Hmmm? This same judge who is roasting me on a spicket over an open fire for public display to make an example of me. As I represent everything she wishes she could have been and isnt as rivals in the world outside of the courtroom which dates back to our childhood days as well. The same Judge who has allowed my baby girls real father (Rick Hensley) off the hook completely. Violating not only his (Ricks) but our baby girls constitutional rights. Rick is restricted to no responsibility what so ever to the child he helped bring into the world while Im left to face criminal charges for non-payment of Child Support and civil contempt at Judge Duncans discretion.. Rick gets off scott free. While the so called custodial keeper(Donny Hight)continue to gain monetary value from the use of my daughter. That may make me sound like a dead beat, but Im not. Judge Xollie Duncan sees that Im sent to jail on civil contempt for any numerous of reasons. Im left in jail long enough to loose everything that Ive worked to gain and or regain ... Loss of my job, housing, vehicles for non-payments, furniture for abandonment , custody of my children and left long enough to allow my child support to pile up in arrears so that it can be charged as a criminal offense, all the while Im also paying for over half of my daughters lunches, I purchase a huge if not all of her school clothes & supplies, activities, doctor bills, cell phone, transportation to and from where ever the custodial keepers(Donny Hight) demands and whatever else my daughter may need or want outside of the child support of nearly a thousand ($850.00) a month. The child support should have been adjusted to meet my income availability a couple of years ago, but has been neglected by the same attorney (Mr. Erwin Davis), with the promise of a custody hearing in the near future, which has never happened. As I struggle now to meet the demands the court has financially set upon me. Each hearing to come, fosters promises of false hope that is promised by my attorney, Mr. Erwin Davis...if we can get through this one hearing one more time, your daughter is getting old enough, we will get her returned to you properly. But in turn , it only gets me another attorneys payment/fee only to produce the same result that has absolutely NO chance in hell, of ever becoming a reality.

The economy is devastated. Jobs are non-existent. I barely have a dollar to eat on. I often skip my one meal a day to allow my oldest daughter a little extra. Ive been known to eat out of the trash cans, peoples untouched throw aways. I am ok with that right now. I call my son and baby girl to check on them a couple times a day. I worry. Is this nightmare going to ever end? What did I do that so wrong? Unemployment is considered a criminal offense? The economic crises is now a criminal offense as well?  Did I make the right decision by leaving?  I still feel like I did. I make a very small amount of money here and there. I manage to keep the cell phones turned on, gas in the truck, and I send a little home to my son and daughter. I will survive, off of the street, the old fashion way. It can be done. Street life is hard and horrible but right now that is the only option I have available.

My oldest son has turned his back on me due to the embarrassment I have brought upon him, which I don't understand but accept.

My oldest daughter, who has refused to allow me to go thru this alone has given up her own education (momentarily) & life style to help see me thru this horrible situation & experience....in full support, that we will persevere through this hardship as just another step on the ladder we (she & I ) have climbed so may times before...together, side by side!

I (WE) are currently traveling the United States, town to town, homeless, wondering, lost....barely surviving . So I write this journal to the two wonderful young children, whom I have left behind...and whom I love so very much.

So here I sit on the island of Key West, just feet from the waters edge, wondering what am I going to do today to make some money or is this just another bust ? I look around at so many people that probably would be considered bums and wondering how they got to this point in their life, even though I'm right here with them. Everyone has a story, right? But we dont talk about that.

Kate & I toured the town on foot for the most part, conserving what little money and gas we have.  We drove by Hemingway's place and the little light house across the street from his house. We found a little piece of beach on the Gulf side and sat to try to get our barrings and ideas as to what we could do to make some money. Its off season for the tourists, unseasonably cold even for Key West. Everywhere as far as that goes. The economic  plunge has taken a huge toll on everyone which we are finding everywhere. Its scary to see so many people with out work and homeless.

Kate & I decided we should leave the Keys the next morning .

A small rain shower soaked the beach the morning we decided to leave. Kate & I sat with the rest of the beach bums - gang, drinking coffee, and watched the sun climb into the sky.  Once the rain had stopped we left and drove back into Florida. As I visited with these so-thought of beach-bums, I realized that they are not what I would consider homeless or labeled as homeless. There is nothing desperate about their attitude or their lifestyle. The “don't worry, be happy “ rule applies to everyone on this island. The so-called beach bum has a chosen this way of life, not a life that was chosen for them. Big difference....from the generals of the cities homeless. I would say “and me” but Im not sure where I stand. I did choose to leave, so the life style was/is of my own choosing, but the many factors involved in the choice I made makes me feel as though its been forced upon me.

But this island and a gentleman so-called island beach bum, by the name of Berney, gave me hope today, as I watched him sell a few watercolor paintings framed with a recycled lobster trap he found, broke apart and rearranged to make a clever frame for his pictures to sell to the tourist passing by. He also consigns out his drawings and paintings at a couple of the local stores....he says he doesn't need much, a little gas & a few groceries. Ten dollars gets him by for the most part. He was fantastically jolly and a delight to visit casually with. I forgot for a moment that life was so hateful... but I need money and there are no jobs here, so Kate & I are moving on....Berney did leave me with a lot of inspiration.

Thank you Key West. Thank you Berney for giving me hope and a new way of thinking. (Im in Marketing for heavens sake. I help people everyday achieve their goals, never once have I applied these principles to myself. Why? Why, indeed Berney, why indeed!)Key West is a beautiful place to find your soul, but don't look for it commercially...it wont be there. You will be surprised where you will find it....maybe siting on the beach with a bum that makes a great cup of instant coffee from his cigarette lighter converter and coffee maker.

Key West isnt the beginning of my journey, it is just the beginning of my journal. I feel good today. Something that I havent felt in a very long time

.

NOTE: I did not make any money here. The towns people are actually very poor due to the fallen economy and make their living off of tourist. The tourist usually spend their money on entertainment purposes, from chartered boats, tours, bars, of all types.None of that was prevalent at this point in time.  I do not beg for money, yet. I actually work and earn what little bit of money I do make. As most of the people here on the island do. They are not bums. A way of life here can be very simple if you so choose it to be. A true example of “dont worry, be happy”...but with that also means no responsibilities which I have plenty of, so it cant apply to me. I cant walk away from my life at hand, although my visit in the Keys was inspiring for the moment. What I did find was.... my way!